Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Lately I have been changing. The kind of change that is very deep. You know the feeling that you are on the brink of something new and grand? That's how I have been feeling. Yet change Is scary none the less. Especially If you are like me and and are uncomfortable with It. I have come to a point In my life where certain things that happened to me In my past are directly effecting my future. I have the opportunity to face them or live dieing inside for the rest of my life. They are both equally scary to me. The outcome Is the determining factor. I believe that I am adult enough and capable of dealing with this and coming out stronger and changing the course of my life. With Gods help I can do all things. But the prospect Is so terrifying. Reliving, feeling and pressing through things you have locked up In some hidden tomb inside of you for years. The helplessness, anger, sadness, frustration, and so many more hard to handle emotions and somehow diving into that black hole head on and coming out on the other side healed. Seemingly weightless from the years of bondage and carrying these chains around and now they are gone. Here is an excerpt from the book I am reading. 
" Healing Is about opening our hearts, not closing them. It is about softening the places In us that wont let love In. Healing Is a process. It Is about rocking back and forth between the abuse of the past and the fullness of the present and being In the present more and more of the time. It is rocking that creates the healing, not staying In one place or another. The purpose of healing Is not to be forever happy; that Is impossible. The purpose of healing Is to be awake. And to live while you are alive instead of dying while you are alive. Healing Is about being broken and whole at the same time."
I know It Is so amazing right!? Anyway, I am going through her book and It Is helping me so much. This is probably, no definitely one of the hardest things I have ever decided to trek through. But I know that with God I can and will make It. And living everyday knowing that I am doing something about these core issues that are so intertwined in my present and my future If left insurmounted, well those are the days I have accomplished great things and it is a great feeling. I am so thankful for the friends and family that are In my life. My fantastic husband who has my back and Is always holding my hand through whatever. Also our amazing church we are so blessed to have such great and honorable leadership In our lives. I have a wonderful support system and I am so Thankful for each and every one of you! I know that talking about things like this is not an easy thing to do and I really pray that my boldness in speaking about it blesses you and encourages you in whatever you are going through!

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